When it comes to dating, there comes a point when you know and everyone around you knows that it is either time to move forward or move on. For to many today they tend to just stay where they are. Men need to be men. They need to step up and lead, and for many this means asking the questions, ‘will you marry me’.  I can think of a few different couples who have been in a long-term relationship and they are just stuck there. The problem in all of these situations is the man will not man up. He will not lead, grow up, follow after Jesus. He is happy to just reap the benefits of dating, and being free from any real commitments.

In an early post I talked about getting the men. One of the factors of getting the men is showing them the importance of either marrying, or ending it. The reason this is important is because we have to many men, and I use that term very loosely, who can shave, drink, smoke, make-out, vote, get a job yet they are not really men. They are just playing or doing things that grown-ups do. They have no real commitment, no real desire to follow God, no real desire to be a godly husband, father, servant of Jesus. For a vast majority of our churches, we are promoting this prolonged adolescence.

It seems to me that there is a problem in our thinking about marriage. For many of the guys I talk to they talk about not being ready, they know they are to marry their now girlfriend, but they, or maybe the world and the church, have created a list in their minds that has to be completed before they can get married. They need to graduate college, get a good job, make good money, have a nice car and for many this is just the short list. Now there is nothing wrong with knowing where you are going in life, but for far to many this ‘to-do list’ is more of a copout then anything. It is much like the to-do list that you have for your house, they are good and fine things we just know they will never get done.

Either do it or move on is my challenge to all the guys in my ministry when it comes to dating. For many college aged guys they know after a few months if the girl they are with is right for them, people around them can see it, their families can see it. The problem is they would rather play marriage then actually do it. Our list does not need to be to long for requirements to get married. Do they love Jesus more than anything? Do they love their girlfriend? Are the submitting to Church leadership? Are they involved in church? Do they work and support themselves? That is about it. They may not make a ton of money, but money is not the end goal. They may not have the best job, but having the best job is not the goal. If you as their leader, their family, the church all see and support their decision to move forward with marriage, then encourage them to do it.

The reason for this post is one of my closest buddies has done it! He loves Jesus, has a Job, has a Car, Serves Jesus, Submits to leadership and he loves his now fiancé. This post is both an encouragement for other youth leaders to challenge your young men to man up, but also a public congrats to Jakob and Emmalie. You guys will never make a ton of money, will probably never have sweet sports cars, but you both love Jesus, treasure His Gospel and I am excited to see how this chapter of your life unfolds!

Note: I am not writing this post with high school students in mind. I am thinking about college aged students, or the graduating high schoolers.