Sexual Detox – Challies Interview

November 3, 2010 — 39 Comments

Yesterday I posted my review of Sexual Detox by Tim Challies. Tim was kind enough to take some time out of his ubber-busy schedule and answer a few questions about Sexual Detox. I will also be giving away 4 copies of Sexual Detox (see the bottom of this post to enter.)

JC: What was the motivation behind Sexual Detox?

TC: The book was really born out of conversations I had with several young men. I began to notice a lot of young men asking, “Is it okay if I do ______ with or to my wife?” And the specific acts were acts that were well beyond the bounds of what I’d consider normal, healthy sexuality. I realized that these young men had had their understanding of sexuality shaped by pornography and were then seeking to act out porn on their wives. I felt like I could address this in a series of blog posts; those blog posts turned into an e-book and then a printed book.

JC: How Much (if any) did your wife help you write Sexual Detox?

TC: Detox was almost entirely my work. She helped a little bit, but especially when dealing with some of the more deviant aspects of pornography and male sexual sin, I wanted to shelter her as much as possible. However, after I started posting the articles to my blog, I received a deluge of emails, many of which were written by women. I passed many of these to Aileen and asked if she’d be willing to respond to them. All that to say that I was the one who wrote it, but she certainly helped in the response. She then wrote a kind of companion e-book for women called False Messages (which I think is excellent, though I’m undoubtedly biased).

JC: What has been the largest influence on the teachings found in Sexual Detox?

TC: I suppose the largest influence was the Word of God brought to bear on my life in many, many different forms. I cannot point to a single sermon or sermon series, a single book or conference talk. Instead, I simply sought to understand God’s plan for sexuality and did so through every means at my disposal. While hundreds of books have been written on the subject of sex, I was surprised at how few adequately addressed certain topics such as the ultimate purpose for sexuality and why masturbation is really and truly wrong.

JC: What have been the best resources you could point guys towards to help them Detox?

TC: I guess I’d like to see guys read Detox as a good first step. If I can get in their minds a) the big-picture of sexuality and b) the knowledge that they may well require some detox, I will regard the book as a success. From there I would want them to do two things.

Tim Challies

First, I would want them to learn more about sexuality and about mature, godly manhood. So many men today are desperately immature, unable or unwilling to really take upon themselves the responsibilities of manhood. Second, I would want them to live their lives transparently before a handful of close friends or mentors. I really believe that men thrive on that kind of openness. I’m not quite suggesting a typical accountability relationship, but perhaps something like it–a time when men open up their lives before one another, hopefully within the context of a local church, and are rebuked and encouraged as necessary.
JC: How have you seen the blessings of Detoxing in your own life?

TC: I am glad to say that I didn’t ever have an addiction to pornography, though there were periods in life where I dabbled in it a little bit. And yet even with a relatively low level of exposure to pornography I found that I needed to detox, that I needed to have my understanding of sex and my expectations for sex reset by the truths of Scripture. Writing this book was a critical exercise in my own life as it really helped me wrap my mind around the big picture of sexuality. It helped me understand certain things better and helped me understand other things for the very first time. It exposed sin in very helpful ways.

JC: How has your view of God and your wife changed since your personal Detox?

TC: Understanding the biblical view of sexuality really brought me face to face with the goodness of God in giving us such a precious gift. For example, for the first time I had some theology to go with my experiential knowledge that a man tends to have a greater sex drive than his wife. Why would God make us this way? So the husband can be a leader in the sexual relationship, pursuing his wife and drawing her into that relationship. It makes a lot of sense within God’s economy of marriage. And yet it was something that had escaped me for many years. So I suppose it made me see anew what a great and precious gift sex is and how careful I need to be to faithfully steward it.

My view of Aileen has changed as well, though how much this relates to detox I suppose I can’t really say. Still, she has become infinitely more precious to me in the past year or two. We have just passed our twelfth anniversary and I feel like I am falling in love with her all over again. I feel like where the first time I fell in love with a great nineteen year old girl, now I’ve fallen in love again with a mature, godly, Christian woman. And I do believe I am able to see her with fresh eyes having gone through the detox which helped wipe away some of the unrealistic expectations I may have been imposing upon her.

Free Book!

Thanks Tim – I want to thank Tim for taking time and answering these questions. I have been very blessed by Sexual Detox and the great ministry he does through his Blog, Publishing Company, Book Reviews and the many other things Tim does for the Kingdom of God!

Free Sexual Detox Books! I am planning on using sexual detox in my premarital and am also working on a way to use it with some of the guys in my ministry. I feel the book is very worth while and would love to give away a  few copies. Follow the rules below to be entered.

Enter: All you need to do to enter is leave a comment with ‘why you would like to read Sexual Detox.’

Bonus: Tweet #SDetox with a link to this post for another chance to win.

Drawing: I will draw and post winners this Friday, November 5th. I will select a couple of you with the best answers, and a couple at random from Twitter.

Subscribe to my RSS feed.

Josh Cousineau

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39 responses to Sexual Detox – Challies Interview

  1. “Understanding the biblical view of sexuality really brought me face to face with the goodness of God in giving us such a precious gift.” -TC
    I want to understand that and given that my past is full of sexual lies, I think this book is a must.

  2. I work with teenaged boys. ‘Nuf said.

  3. A think this is a tool that is well-overdue for men in our churches. Not that there aren’t other good biblical resources out there, but the majority are pop-psychology texts in secular and even Christian markets and fall far short of the mark. I agree Josh, I think this will be a useful tool for pre-marital and look forward to the wisdom Tim shares with us. It will also be good for personal reflection. For us guys, sexual temptation is always at the door… how do we guard, renew and rebuild in this crucial area of our lives? Thanks Josh for getting together with Tim on this and sharing with us all.

  4. “And yet even with a relatively low level of exposure to pornography I found that I needed to detox, that I needed to have my understanding of sex and my expectations for sex reset by the truths of Scripture.” -TC

    Great resource to point my sons & friends to. Thanks for referencing it in Lead10 too =)

  5. this will be a great resource for a bible study i have. also i think it will really help me personally.

  6. I Would like to read Sexual Detox for my benefit, and once im done reading through it i will pass it along to my guy friends to if they want to read it. I am really interested in learning how God intends things to be especially after being contaminated by lies from the world. I have already read the book Sex God by Rob Bell which has opened my eyes to so many things, while challenging what I have been taught in church settings already.

  7. I would like to read it because of Eph 5:3.

  8. Roberto Gelleni November 4, 2010 at 7:45 am

    I love the book, and I will definitely use it in our youth group… I have just one (perhaps silly) question about the article above.. “pre-martial” ? maybe a typo ? ;- )

    God Bless you guys !

  9. I would like to have this book in my arsenal for our two sons. We live in a pornographic society. Not only is it in our veins, it’s in the air. I expect this book by Tim Challies to meet the need for Biblical clarity head on.

  10. Chris Blanchette November 4, 2010 at 8:44 am

    I would like to read this both for my self and to help other men who struggle in this area.

  11. I’d like to read this book because I’ve met very, very few young men who aren’t addicted or recovering porn addicts – myself included. I’ve seen the bondage that goes with porn, and the freedom that comes with confession and repentance. I work with teenagers and young adults and this message is so understated. I can think of several people off the top of my head I’d like to read this with and discuss it – for their benefit and my own. For my own marriage, I need consistent encouragement in this area – and I know I’m not the only one.

  12. I would like to read this book, not only because of the deviant past from which God rescued me, but for my 16 year old son, who was unwittingly exposed to some very hardcore pornography before he came to live with me (ages 12-13). He has truly given his life to Christ and God is now building my son into a Godly leader in his environments, but the stronghold that was built at a young age has shaped his view of sex and is the biggest battle in his tender heart. We as parents are responsible for standing with him and helping him ‘detox’ as he learns to shine the light of Christ into the dark places. God bless you in your work.

  13. I work with college age guys both in my church and in my work at college. This would be a great resource to work through in a guys group study I’ve started. I know too many men who just keep this bottled up until they get “caught.” I think this resource would be a great way to challenge them directly and deal with the problem before it wrecks their lives and future relationships.

  14. The Word of God is a good purifier, and a non-holds barred accountability relationship with another Christian man is also very important. I’d like to read this book to improve my understanding of God’s design for sex and marriage — and to use as a reference when talking with my nephews and with teenage boys and men at our church.

  15. would like to read it as I work with a lot of couples in troubled marriages…

  16. As a pastor, I am trying to help several young men who are struggling with the internet porn and its varied and insidious temptations. Any assistance with resources would be deeply appreciated.

  17. I’d like to read this for personal reasons. I’ve struggled with this issue for too long. The word “detox” sounds so appealing and right. I’d never really heard it put that way before.

  18. I would like to lead some young men in a study of this book.

  19. I need it for me…
    I need it for my church…
    I need it for my 12 year old son…
    He needs it for the generations to come.

  20. I would like to read this book to put a nail in the coffin of my addiction once and for all. Tim Challies is a greater man for addressing this issue, which is RUINING marriages, parents and children by the millions.

  21. As someone who has seen multiple close friends destroyed by porn, I will use this book for myself as well as to help other men in our church who I know are struggling. I’ve heard estimates that over 75% of Christian men struggle with lust and/or porn. The more deep relationships I build with other guys, the more I realize how true this is.

  22. I have been secretly struggling with pornography, and it has deeply affected the way I relate to God and with people. I (along with the guys I serve at church) could really use the help, and I believe this book would be a great resource. Thanks for sharing it with us!

  23. As a pastor I have dealt with men who are being disobedient regarding sexual morality. Right now I am seeking to disciple a man who is now a registered sex offender, is on 5 years probation and a host of other restrictions. He continues to struggle with impurity. This struggle is normal but he seems to be adding to the struggle and is not finding God sufficient, which I do not believe is a problem on God’s part. Good literature of this caliber is rare. Thanks for writing it.

  24. i think every guy should read it.. so, after i win (hehe), and read it, i’ll pass it on to the next guy in my community group, require him to read it and pass it on to the next guy and so forth and so on! also, hopefully some buzz will be created and guys will start ordering it…

  25. Because i am a guy
    Because i have a family
    Because i have sons
    Because i am a sinner

  26. Doctrine of sin.

  27. OK, it occurred to my on my run this morning that I have more of a problem than I had admitted to before. So, I need it.

  28. I am a man, I am a sinner, I am married , I have a son.

  29. I’d love to read this book because:

    1) I grew up with a less-than-ideal relationship with my physical father
    2) I grew up in a home where there was immorality.
    3) I want to be pure in all my ways before God

  30. I mentor men in a Bible study.

  31. For my husband and two sons and their future wives.

  32. I would like to read this book because the issue is very real, biblical counsel is a difference maker, and sometimes a little book can pack a powerful punch. The longer I live and pastor, the more I become aware of how many guys are affected/infected by porn; another tool in the fight would be great. I also like free stuff!

  33. I would like to receive a copy of Sexual Detox because I am addicted to pornography. I don’t believe in Jesus as God, but I’m willing to give it a try if this book can help.

  34. My dads side of the family was plagued with sexual sins. He was the first in his family to get saved but I found out last yr that he has dealt with it his entire life as well. Dad never talked to me about it. I want to make sure I am equipped to help myself, my sons and others.

  35. We all need to retrain our thinking. Even if we’ve successfully overcome the attraction to this garbage, it shapes the way we think about sex. We need God’s perspective in every area.

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Tweets that mention Josh Cousineau :: The Blog » Blog Archive » Sexual Detox – Challies Interview -- Topsy.com - November 3, 2010

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by challies, Josh Cousineau and Josh Cousineau, Sandy. Sandy said: RT @JoshCousineau My interview with @challies about Sexual Detox – http://ow.ly/33GwL Plus enter to win a free copy! #SDetox [...]

  2. Sexual Detox Book Giveaway - November 29, 2010

    [...] Over at my personal blog I reviewed Sexual Detox, by Tim Challies. I also interviewed Tim about his book, the reason for writing and what he has learned from writing Sexual Detox. The answers to the questions were great and very insightful. Because the book was so good I am giving away 4 copies of Sexual Detox. Check out the post to enter – Review | Interview [...]

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